Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
