if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
My vagina just recognized that song.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
