Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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