Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
