You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize