I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
