Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
sarcasm needs its own font
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
