i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
