vagina is talking i cant
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
