This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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