Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize