we have pet lesbian snakes
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
