maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
