Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
