I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
