guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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