Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
