hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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