the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Randomize
