After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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