literally had 100 drinks last night.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Randomize
