It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
