Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
