i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
