Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize