Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
he told me I talked like a deaf person
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
