Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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