I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
No subtext here. People are naked.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
