I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
