There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
