I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize