I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize