How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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