new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
