girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
