And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Randomize
