I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
