I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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