I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
