I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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