Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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