She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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