okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
please don't ironically join a cult
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