I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Who died my cat blue again?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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