OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
