I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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