I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
