Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
