oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
