Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
