im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
