Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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