You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
