Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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