guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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