dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
