all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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