Got a toothbrush?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
