two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
