yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
