What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
