i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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