someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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