But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
