Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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