you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Randomize
