I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize