I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
