so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
It's never too late to be topless.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
