Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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