Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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